-- the space between ( spock )

[LT. NYOTA UHURA]

The wicked lies we tell ,

And hope to keep safe from the pain

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Nyota Uhura stroked the fabric of her red uniform as she slipped into her outting clothing. Sure, it still had the Starfleet emblem on the collar, it was more relaxed than the uniform. She slid it into a white drawer before looking around her quarters. With Enterprise docked here on Earth, Uhura had planned to get out into the open, breath in that fresh air she hasn't had in what seemed like decades. Uhura loved her planet, but when she thought about it almost being destroyed, it made her appreciate it that much more. In thinking this, it caused her to think of someone else on the ship who couldn't have the luxury of appreciating his home planet ever again. She looked down at the floor of her quarters before she slowly slipped out of the room, hitting a button that closed the door behind her with a beep and a whooshing sound.

Uhura's lithe frame walked past Spock's quarters and she noticed that he wasn't there. She raised her brow in confusion as she wandered off, in search of the Vulcan commander. What was she really hoping to get from this exactly? She knew all to well of the Vulan ways of life, their ability to close out human emotion as if it was a disease to feel. She has seen Spock at a moment in his life where those emotions were too hard to contain. But since then, he has been as closed off as ever. What did she expect, it was how he was taught, who was she to ask him to change who he was? What trouble was, she didn't want him to change, but she just hoped that someday he would be able to let her all the way in. It was a foolish ambition, but Uhura was stubborn.

Uhura then reached the Bridge, where she saw the familiar blue uniform, clinging to the tall, built frame of the man she has come to love. Was it love? She didn't know at this point. She was headstrong, young, she was bound to make mistakes, but was this one of them? She slowly maneuvered her body toward the Vulan as she pulled her long brown hair around her shoulders and looked back up at him.

"We're docked. Why don't you come with me? Get some air maybe?" She questioned, looking up at him with hopeful, yet saddened brown eyes. She knew that it was a losing battle. No matter how close she got, he would eventually just push her back to where she began. They had their moments, moments she would cherish for the rest of her life, but that didn't mean that he would feel the same. She may understand the Vulcan ways of life, but that didn't mean she completely understood Spock himself. She could take pride in the fact that she knew him better than anyone else on the ship, that wasn't saying all too much. She stood behind him, her long brown locks resting against her neck as she stared up at him hopefully as before.

[arc]

The book that lay open before him was doing him no good. He had chosen it from the shelf in his quarters, thinking it could calm him, distract him from the unpleasant thoughts that lingered on his mind . . . So far, his idea wasn't working, and he pushed the book away without a second thought, standing from the chair at his desk. Walking slowly, he made his way out of his quarters aboard the Enterprise, heading for the bridge.

Spock hadn't bothered to change his clothes; he found the tight, blue uniform comforting in a way. Most of the Enterprise's crew had abandoned the ship, leaving to explore Earth's surface. To most of them, Earth was their home – a safe haven. None of them had lost their home planet. None of them felt that Earth was a prison, like Spock did. Thoughts of Vulcan led him to thoughts of his mother. He would never see her again. She was the only person who had truly cared for him – the only person who had known the real Spock. Not the cold, unemotional, Commander Spock.

Well, that wasn't necessarily true . . . During the past few weeks, Spock had come to discover that Nyota Uhura cared for him; she knew him better than anyone else. Anyone still living, at least. But was he ready to admit that? Probably not. All of his life, Spock had been trained to disregard emotions as unnecessary. According to the Vulcan way of life, Spock was unable to express his feelings. But the Vulcan planet was dead. What did it really matter now?

Once he had finally arrived at the bridge, after what seemed an eternity, Spock set about absent-mindedly running his hand along the top of the chair at his work station. When someone entered the the command center, Spock spun around, startled. He had expected to be alone aboard the Enterprise. Everyone had left the ship to visit Earth, he had thought.

Standing in the doorway, however, was Uhura. When she asked him to join him, to get a breath of fresh air, Spock turned his back on her, staring down at his work station with a blank expression upon his face. “I have a lot of work to attend to,” he said quietly, his tone flat. He didn't want Uhura to know how he truly felt about the situation; she didn't need to know.

[LT. NYOTA UHURA]

The wicked lies we tell ,

And hope to keep safe from the pain

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What had she originally anticipated from him? A warm smile and an acceptance? She wasn't sure at this point, all she knew was when she entered that bridge, Spock was just like he normally was. Grant it, she wasn't about to try and change the man, he was who he was. But sometimes, she just wished he would let go a little and let her in. She watched as he turned around to face her, startled by her sudden presence before he simply turned his back to her and declined her invitation. What work? The enterprise was docked and everyone else on the ship was on the planet, getting what they needed. She stood there, speechless for a moment as she looked around the bridge before looking back to him. What could she say to him exactly? He wasn't the type of person to just cater to the wills of others, much less hers. She lowered her head slightly, her long brown locks falling into her face before she prodded on. She wasn't one to just let things go. She knew that he may find that frustrating about her, but the last time she took the initiative, things had ended relatively well. Except he walked out of the elevator before she could really speak to him.

Uhura stepped closer as she placed her dark hand against his back, her eyes staring at it for a second before she looked back up at him. She knew that deep down, he wasn't handling this all very well. His mother was gone, his planet was gone, and he had virtually nothing. Sure, the counsel members were alive, but they were off settling for a new Vulcan colony. He was alone, at least, that’s what she was determining in her mind. She didn't want him to feel alone, because she was right here with him, wanting to take care of him, even if he wasn't sure if he wanted her there.

"It can wait...” She whispered softly to him, her hand moving across his back slowly before she placed her other hand on his arm. She just wanted him to let it go. Everyone else was off doing whatever they wanted. Why did he have to stay here and work? No one else was expected to, much less Kirk. Now that they were back on Earth, he was probably looking for a girl who is willing to hop into bed with him. The thought alone disgusted Uhura, but right now, her focus wasn't for the womanizing Captain. It was for the first officer who had her heart. He may not know it fully, but he really did. She was the insane one for falling for a Vulcan, but she knew that Spock was the product of a Vulcan and a human. This meant that somewhere down the line, Spock’s father was capable of feeling. A feeling of love, that she knew Spock was even more capable of feeling. He was just holding it back, like he was taught.

Then Uhura slowly turned the Vulcan commander toward her much smaller frame to look up into his eyes. Her hands held onto his arms gently as she looked up at him. Her face, her eyes, they were full of emotion, yet when she looked up into his, she saw nothing. To others, that would be enough for them to just turn and walk the other, but for her, it was just a barrier he was putting up. She then reached up and placed her hand on his face, like she had that day that he lost everything. Her thumb caressed his skin gently as she looked up into his eyes.

"Why are you hiding from me?" She asked, which was a bit forward of her, but she didn't care at this point. She wasn't ready to give up on him yet, not when she felt like this. She wasn't sure if her wants and needs that correlated with Spock were futile or not, but she knew that at this moment, she wanted something, anything from him. Her lip quivered slightly but she held it back as her eyes glistened.

[arc]

What more did she want from him? What more could he give her? The answer to those two questions was unclear, and that bothered Spock. He had always been so sure of his decisions, so quick to come to a conclusion. This feeling of doubt and uncertainty was completely new to him; it angered him. His emotions, which were now so difficult to hide, bothered him. Spock had been taught to discard emotion completely, live a life free of anger, love, grief, joy . . . Because he had lived so long without knowing what it felt like to hate, be in love, feel the pangs of sadness, or be truly happy, the foreign emotions annoyed him. Spock had always felt these emotions, but he had never faced them fully . . . until now. With the destruction of his planet and the deaths of most of his people – including his mother – he was unable to fight against them. He had never had to. And that bothered him more than anything.

But Uhura was a human. She would never understand. A part of him knew that she was only trying to help, but he wouldn't admit that. What more did she want from him? Spock had reached his breaking point when he had lost his mother, and Uhura had been there to comfort him. At the moment, Spock had given in to her, accepting her love. Why didn't he feel that acceptance now? Maybe it was because he had shrouded himself in a barrier to protect himself, to keep everyone else out. Perhaps, if he could just accept the fact that he had changed due to the destruction of his planet, then he could give up on his previous ways and let Uhura in. Spock found it difficult to do so, however.

Before he knew it, Uhura had spun him around to face her. Spock met her gaze, his eyes void of emotion. He was still trying to push her away, for selfish reasons. What more could he give her? When she reached up a hand to caress her cheek, asking him a direct question, he turned his face away from her, thinking. Why are you hiding from me? He asked himself the same question, over and over again. Having thought up an answer, Spock turned his face back towards her. “I find it difficult to suppress my emotions.” That was part of the reason why he was hiding from her. He was in an unstable condition. “Because of my inability to maintain these emotions, I feel . . .” Spock struggled for the right word, something that he wouldn't have ordinarily done. “ . . . vulnerable.”

His big, brown human eyes pleaded with her, begging her to believe him and leave it be. But he knew Uhura. She wouldn't give up without a fight – without knowing the complete truth. Spock hadn't directly answered her question, and that would bother her. He knew that. But at least he had revealed a hint of his feelings. That meant something.

[LT. NYOTA UHURA]

The wicked lies we tell ,

And hope to keep safe from the pain

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Uhura knew that she was asking a lot from Spock. She had no idea what it was like to grow up on a planet where emotions were considered pointless. Uhura knew that sometimes emotions just made situations worse, but sometimes they could be considered necessary. Uhura didn't have the same insight that Spock did, she has no idea what he could possibly going through and she wasn't ever forced to ignore her emotions. She always had the freedom of speaking her mind, feeling whatever she could, and she never had to think about if her emotions would harm a situation. In some instances, she pitied Spock. She knew that he would never be the type to want pity, she was the same way. Pity angered her, she never wanted to be pitied by others. It made her feel even smaller than she already did. All Uhura wanted to do was show him that it was okay to feel. She wanted him to feel what she was feeling so he would understand where she was coming from. But she knew that some things were just too much to ask.

Then he finally responded to her, sort of explaining himself. She knew that this was hard for him, more than normal beings. She stared up at him carefully as she placed her free hand on the other side of his face, cradling it between her hands gently. She just wanted him to give into what he was feeling. He was half human, that had to matter somehow right? If words, however, we beginning to reassure her. He was feeling and vulnerability wasn't necessarily a bad thing really. However, for someone like him, she understood how it could be a bad thing. Uhura sighed gently as he stopped speaking, the determined side of herself who wanted to prod even farther, she looked into his eyes and saw something there. She nodded her head, pulling her hands free from his face and let them hover there in the space between them.

"It's okay, I'm here for you. You can be vulnerable around me, if you have to be. But, if you would prefer I left you alone, I...I can do that." She said, letting her arms fall to her sides as she looked up at the man before her. She knew that this conversation could easily take a turn for the worst. She wasn't really in the mood for an argument with him. She didn't think she could handle at this point. She took in a deep breath, letting her deep brown eyes search the bridge before she looked back up at him.

"Just know that if it ever gets to that point...where you don't think you can handle it alone...You know where to find me..." She said gently to him before she slowly stepped away from him. She needed to get some air at this point anyway. She could feel her own disappointment bubble up inside of her as she started to walk toward the exit to leave the Enterprise. It was too early to try and get through to him. Maybe things will change, if she just give him space and time. She sighed as her hair swayed over her shoulder and she felt tears welling up to the brims. She then set her jaw, clenching it tightly as she blinked the tears back. She wouldn't cry about this, that would be pathetic of her. She exhaled shakily as the tears slowly dissipated from her eyelids. For now, anyway.